the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
