Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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