Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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