yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
