You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
