would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
