I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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