I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
