What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
