fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There r osticjed everywhere
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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