I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
