We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
