so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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