new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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