Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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