We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
