Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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