I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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