we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
