Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
