he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
