I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
