my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
