I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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