i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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