Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
