i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
