Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
