If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
