I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
