1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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