I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
