I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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