I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
