____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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