She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
