Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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