Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
