how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
