Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
