I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
