This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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