she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
