The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
