tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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