next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
