I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
