A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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