i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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