I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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