2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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