On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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