Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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